How to choose a professional portrait

Hmm... there's something so honest about this shot. The trials and confusions of the ministry are so evident in my face... but somehow I thought it wouldn't be quite the right one to use professionally. Although here I am, posting it on my blog for all the world to see.

So my boyfriend (that word always makes me feel like I'm in high school... oh well), Adam, is a great photographer and he's taken some good professional photos of me, but this actually isn't one of them. It was taken by a wonderful man at the parish where I've been deaconing; he was taking portraits of the whole parish for a photo directory. So, we were trying different poses until he finally said, "Just make a series of different expressions every three seconds, and I'll just keep shooting!" I was sort of paralyzed... expressions? What KIND of expressions??? I didn't know what to do, and this was one of the faces that came out.

But it's my favorite, obviously. Although this is the only place you're going to see it.

Bishop candidates

My week has been taken over by bishop candidates. A laywoman and I are taking turns "shepherding" Robert Koomson, or helping him navigate all the small group rooms and ins and outs of the "presentations" this week. These are forums at churches ALL over Chicago and northern Illinois that gives our eight (8!) candidates a chance to share their vision and answer lots of questions. Although I'm sure there is some element of a popularity contest here - who's wearing the sharpest outfit? who has the nicest haircut? who feels like my friend? who tells the funniest jokes? who is the priest I wish I could be or who I wish could be my parish priest? who makes the statement I want to make about our diocese and the church?

The question we should be asking is, of course: Who would be the best bishop for Chicago right now? Regardless of all those other factors, some of which actually are worth considering along the way, that is the question the Spirit wants to help us discern right now. Although I'm certainly not above getting lost in all those seventh-grade class-president type questions. I've been noticing haircuts and thinking about political statements more than I care to admit.

But how can we KNOW who would be the best bishop for Chicago? Well, we can read the diocesan profile. I was on the subcommittee that developed and wrote this evaluation of our diocese, its needs, its history, and its possibilities. I confess: it's kind of long (sorry about that!). But we tried to be honest and thorough.

In my own discernment, I'm thinking about how many churches we've closed in the past ten years, about the need for spreading the word about Jesus, getting publicity as the Episcopal Church, doing anti-racism work in our city, and spreading God's love as far around our churches as we can.

But I also like what the search committee offers on discernment (from the website):
"Prayerfully consider the ways in which each nominee might be called to be the bishop of Chicago." It's a good discipline to think about how EACH person might be called to be our bishop, even the candidates I'm not so sure about.

So, on Tuesday I drove across the city to Glen Ellyn. Tonight I'm driving across the city again to Palos Park. I'm crashing at my parents' house, and getting up early to cross the neighborhood to 63rd Street in Chicago. Then I'm deaconing at a friends' wedding! THEN I need to finish my sermon because I'm preaching Sunday morning. (My last Sunday at St. John's, where I've been serving as a deacon during my search process.) Then, after preaching at two services, I'm driving across the STATE to Dixon. Then I'm driving Robert home to Evanston. Then I am going to eat a mint-chocolate Haagan Dazs ice cream bar and fall asleep reading Kennon Callahan and/or Jane Austen.

Welcome

(Well, I think they like me.)

And welcome to all my new parishioners who may be reading my blog, now! More on "Heidi becoming a vicar" soon...

Foxes have holes, birds of the air have nests...

Here's the layout of my new apartment. I'm going to be paying too much for it, really. But I fell for the view of the forest preserve - out of the living and dining room windows, you see nothing but trees (and power lines, truthfully). It's right on a bike trail, even. So, I'm taking on a "luxury" apartment with a rent that *doesn't* include utilities, for a view of the forest preserve??? Is this really smart, Heidi?

But there's also an outdoor pool, washer/dryer, dishwasher, a balcony, and a kitchen that's BIG and open to the front room. (But alas, no fireplace, contrary to the floorplan). It's also close enough that I could bike to church if I wanted. I could probably even bike from the church to the local hospital, although it's still under construction.

So, I think I'm paying for an image, here. Bad bad bad. Very impractical. But I'm a sucker for metaphors - that's why I'm becoming a priest. Maybe paying for things that are beautiful can be worth it? I just hope I'm not going to be surprised by my heat bill! Then maybe the trees won't be quite so pretty.

Next problem: when am I going to move in? I have to balance all the things I need to bring to end here at Seabury - my freelance work, my packing, my goodbyes... and I need to say goodbye to two churches: St. John's, where I'm deaconing, and St. Paul and the Redeemer, that "done brung me up." And I really need to go back to Christ in the Wilderness (watch out for that cricket soundclip) and go sit in a hermitage for a while (see my last visit, in March), talk to God and the trees, and prepare myself.

I find myself obsessing about furniture quite a bit. I keep thinking about where I'm going to put things, how I'm going to fit everything in 884 sq. feet... This is actually bigger than my Seabury apartment but the new place has more windows and less wall space for things like bookcases, of which I have four:
I will probably keep a bunch of books in my office. But I also have this Norwegian cupboard/bookshelf, that was my grandmother's:
And I actually imagined that I might get a place big enough that I could finally have my childhood piano with me. Maybe next time.

Besides, small places are cozier, more energy-efficient, and keep you from buying furniture and other stuff that you probably don't need anyway. And a view of the forest preserve and the sky? Worth it. (I hope so, anyway!)

Whoops

Hmm. My parish doesn't know that I've been called to be their vicar yet. Whoops!

So, just in case, don't say too much quite yet. We're talking about the contract this week.

I can't believe I'm going to be moving. And becoming a pastor... it's been such a long time coming. Seven years since I started at the Monterey Church.

My internet has been down, so I haven't been able to blog much lately! More soon.

The Vicar of Bolingbrook

That's me!!! I HAVE A JOB!!!

I had a wonderful interview last night... spent about half an hour in the IKEA parking lot (I stopped there first, to pick up a lampshade), going over my sermon and the interview questions, and then it was just a comfortable evening with the search committee. I was exhausted by the end though - three and half hours is a long time to keep talking.

And they called me a couple of hours ago to offer me the call! And they want me to start "tomorrow"! But, of course, it will probably be more like a month or so.

Here it is: St. Benedict's. (I can't even believe it's called St. Benedict's. I LOVE Benedict and monasteries and...!)

Thanks for waiting through all these stressful months with me. I can't believe it. I'm both excited and so content and peaceful.

In the meanwhile, some lasagna, red wine, and a few more weeks at Trader Joe's.

Second interview

I have a second interview with Small Church in the Southwest Suburbs on Wednesday night. I'm pretty smitten with them. They're about 40 people on a Sunday, they just built a new building a few years ago with a circular sanctuary (their first church building was two geodesic domes!), and they have a lot of energy.

They've asked me to prepare an evening prayer service with a homily and a "freestyle" component where I can do a bible study, a presentation, or a workshop of some sort (I'm going to do my "How to Love Paul" workshop from two years ago), and they have twelve questions for me to prepare to discuss with them. Phew! I feel like I could write a 12 page paper on each of these questions... but I think I'm going to try three sentences as a start.

1. What restored your interest and confidence in returning to a pastoral setting?

2. Describe the general outline of how you would put together a community outreach program centered on parental training for the community. There is no right or wrong answer here; we are more interested in the process.

3. As vicar, how will you determine your priorities as you schedule your time?

4. What are your thoughts about moving to this area?

5. Give us an example of how you’ve approached teaching a new idea or skill to a group or to an individual.

6. What is your approach to liturgical planning?

7. In our first visit, you said that you had a great interest in communities and how groups of people work together and were curious as to why they come together. How do you plan to put that interest and curiosity into action as a parish priest?

8. Describe how you see your role as a liturgical leader.

9. How will you facilitate planning, doing, and reviewing in the culture of our church?

10. What kinds of pastoral care can a parishioner expect from you?
    

11. What spiritual practices are you eager to model and teach at (Small Church)?

12. We are eager to build our Christian education program for the children of (Small Church). What are your ideas for doing that while making worship relevant to children?

It's a long drive down that way, and I have to work at 6am the next day at Trader Joe's, but God is good and I'm sure I'll make it through. I just hope the digital projector hook-up to my laptop works - it seems like there's always some drama in getting those things to work.

Lilith in the Hall

My cat has been curious about my apartment's hallway and stairwell for months, and I've started letting her go out to explore now and then.

She meows and runs around - maybe looking for other cats? "I'm here, I'm harmless, please don't hurt me!" Then she lies down and rolls on her back... savoring her freedom? Although it's one of her favorite things to do inside the apartment, too.


It must seem like a whole other world to her. The Hallway. And who even knows what's Down the Stairs???

Trader Joe's

These are three of my Trader Joe's shirts! And my name tag.

I'm completely exhausted. The first two days, I was so tired I just dissolved into tears at the end of the day. This kind of physical work just brings all the other hard things in my life so much closer to the surface! It's a lot of lifting and standing, but then it's also getting to know a bunch of new people, a new place. a new set of rules, and of course, where the chili lime chicken burgers are.

I think I like it. Although each of these past four days there've been moments where I've thought suddenly to myself both, "I hate it here" and "you know, I really like it here."

I love working the register: I love chatting with people, I love scanning items through the machine, and I love bagging things. One woman says, "Bagging is like playing Tetris!"

But I sprained (I think) my hand my first day. There's this hard lump on the back of my hand, and when I grasp or grab things, it hurts like hell. The management and I are going to keep an eye on it, and if it doesn't clear up by the end of next week, I think I get some kind of worker's comp thing. I've been wearing a wrist guard, which helps me use my hand more carefully, although it's really more for your WRIST and it's the back of my hand - those fine bones and muscles - that are killing me.


I've now worked two 5am-1pm shifts, which are actually good for me. It's sort of spooky and mysterious to get up at 4am and drive to work by the light of the moon (there's a big star underneath the moon right now - Venus? - which looks like the Muslim moon and star symbol - is that because it's Ramadan right now? Does anyone know? Or am I just nuts?). We stock the shelves with the perishable items and wash the floors before customers arrive at 9am. Then I'm off at 1pm. Works for me.

More on TJ's later... there's a lot I could say.

10 Ways to Pass a Hot Potato

This is from an Episcopal GenX clergy listserv I'm on (you should join!), and since I'm looking at the very real possibility of working as a leader in a church (read: someone who gets all kind of mud and triangulation slung at them), I thought this was a great idea.

A friend of mine recently had a problem with #8, which I think is an especially helpful rule. She finally tore up that silly anonymous note while we were on the phone together, and I was SO proud of her!

The new, Gen X bishop of Olympia, Gregory Rickel sent these "10 Rules for Respect" out to the congregations of that diocese. They're great rules for any community, but especially churches and church organizations, since we tend to assume that everyone is going to be nice all the time, which just isn't possible. Especially to bishops. Or to Executive Presbyters, for that matter. Or to whoever the leader of your particular organization might be. People tend to pass anxiety around like a hot potato, in ways that often have nothing to do with where the real anxiety is coming from. Some of my favorite books on this:

The Anxious Organization, Jeffrey A. Miller
Generation to Generation, Edwin Friedman (or anything by Friedman)
and books by the famous Kennon Callahan, of which I should read more. ANYWAY...

Here's Bishop Greg:

"In every Letter of Agreement I have had with congregations, and now with the Diocese of Olympia I have asked that the "Rules for Respect" spelled out below be made part of the agreement. I first saw these in an article by Church of the Nazarene pastor Charles Christian. I think they are quite helpful in framing our communication and life together. I vow to do my best to follow them and invite you to do the same. We will all fail, but through gentle challenge and loving encouragement these can become a foundation for healthy communication for us all. Blessings to you! Greg"

10 Rules for Respect

1. If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).

2. If I have a problem with you, I will come to you (privately).

3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me. (I'll do the same for you)

4. If someone consistently will not come to me, say, "Let's go to Greg together. I am sure he will see us about this." (I will do the same for you.)

5. Be careful how you interpret me-I'd rather do that. On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions.

6. I will be careful how I interpret you.

7. If it's confidential, don't tell. If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless a) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b) the person is going to physically harm someone else, c) a child has been physically or sexually abused. I expect the same from you.

8. I do not read unsigned letters or notes.

9. I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you. Do not let others manipulate me through you. I will not preach "at you." I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (she does it better anyway!)

10. When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked. Our relationships with one another, at the end of the day, are the most important things so if you have a concern, pray, and then (if led) speak up. If I can answer it without misrepresenting something, someone, or breaking a confidence, I will.

I'm not worried about the Anglican Communion

This is the best response to the recent House of Bishop's statement on gay bishops and same-sex blessings I've seen so far...

from the rector's husband at St. John's, Mt. Pleasant, Michigan