Worries and prayer

We need to make a decision about my old car. My beloved hatchback! First gear won't "catch." And I'm feeling a bit paralyzed about what to do next -- it reminds me of people who "don't want to know" about their health, and so don't go to the doctor because they'd rather remain in denial. And I'm not ready to decide what to do next about this car: my old friend. Do I have it towed and price a new transmission? You can't really sell a car that won't go anywhere (except to a junkyard?). If we get it fixed, will I want to I drive for a while on the new transmission, or sell it right away?

A very generous parishioner has loaned me her extra car until we figure out the situation with this one. I am very grateful for her trust.

There are a number of worrying things on my mind lately: The car. Wall Street. An intense week at the church, in terms of some meetings I've had with people and a number of late nights.

And so, for many reasons, I find myself yearning to pray better. I tend to get wrapped up in "doing" when I'm stressed out, which is not good for me. I need some prayer and stillness to function at my best.

Yesterday, I had the chance to sit at a piano and play some hymns for a while. It was a really good mix of "doing" and praying. My fingers could move around, my brain could focus and problem-solve, but essentially, I was immersing myself in feelings and words that were pointing me back to God. I should do it more often.

Millennium Development Goals, take 2

So, I made a mistake and blogged about the MDGs a month ago, here. Oops!

The MDGs : learn more about them here. Maybe they're a fad. Maybe there are too many of them (eight!). Maybe you're sick of hearing about them.

But this is true: a little money can make a big difference for someone. A mosquito net. A uniform to wear to school. Some rice for a refugee camp. YOU have power and resources to make someone else's life more tolerable, or even really, truly better.

Adam and I tithed our wedding gift checks to two emergency relief organizations. It felt good. I hope it makes a difference. I encourage you to make a difference, too.

Wedding pictures

Here are our pictures, for those who aren't on Facebook...

Posed photos

Ceremony

Reception

Rain and cars

Here in the Chicagoland area (I love that term!), we got some vicious rain last weekend. Flooding, downpours, monsoon conditions... I felt like I was living in that Ray Bradbury short story that you probably read in high school -- "All Summer in a Day" -- where there's a pioneer settlement on Venus, where it's always raining except for one day every seven years.

We don't have a garage, so my little Golf sat out in the Bradburian rain, and after a day and a half, the engine wouldn't turn over. This happened once before, last year, after a big rain, so I didn't think too much about it. (And a side benefit of being married is being able to borrow your partner's car or have him chauffeur you around.) But then, a day or two later, my car engine still wouldn't turn over. Then another day, and it DID turn over, but I couldn't get the car to snap into gear and MOVE. I've been warned that my transmission's days are limited. I finally called AAA today, and began to say goodbye to my little car.

My sweet little car. I bought it in Massachusetts eight years ago, during my stint at the Monterey United Church of Christ. It rolled over the Berkshire hills with me, went back and forth to Chicago a couple times, then brought me back there for good, rolled around the city, went on many roadtrips, sat idle for much of seminary, and has been shuttling me around the western suburbs for almost a year now. Now it's a mess, but it feels like a second pet. Or my alter ego. Adam's mom had offered to sell us their 2004 Civic if we wanted it, but it just doesn't seem the same as my spunky, dark blue hatchback. Sigh. Much melancholy and resignation. And if she's not ready to sell it, then how on earth will I decide what kind of new car to get? As if I don't have enough to think about already.

Of course, when the tow truck guy showed up, he gave the ignition a try, messed with the pedals, and it started.

So I don't have to buy a new car for a while again after all. But at least it got me thinking, so when ol' Gertie does heave her last ho, maybe we'll have some idea what the game plan is. Although I still don't think I'll be ready to say goodbye.

"What racism does"

I don't think we should feel guilty about how we perceive race -- I think curiosity would be more helpful: curiosity about how it plays an oh-so-subtle role in our perceptions of people, and in our perceptions of ourselves, too. Who we are as inviduals is marked by the race we are, because we live in a society where that is important and noted constantly. Deep down, we all have a very subtle, insidious belief that someone "white" (whatever that means) is a better, more normal, and more responsible person than someone "black" (whatever that means) or "not white" (etc.). Look around you at the grocery store sometime and test yourself.

Again, I think feeling guilty about this is a dead-end street. Let's be curious... and more aware of ourselves, as people of all colors (since we don't live in only a black and white America). Let's not be afraid of race -- "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" -- but let's be curious, honest, and eager to continue becoming a nation where race might become a adjective more like "heritage," and not stereotype or government category check-box.

The following is not meant as a partisan statement -- I don't want to express campaign opinions, as a local clergyperson -- although this man's words do suggest a partisan preference. But I am posting it as an observation about how race subtracts from the level of grace people receive from our society's standards. Barack Obama has had to be much more squeaky-clean, basically, to run for president, than John McCain. His wife, too. Nothing against the lives the McCains have led -- but a black man could never run for president and be forgiven for the same things the McCains have.

(Forwarded to me by Kirstin Boswell Ford, a friend, and written as a letter to the editor of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram by Kelvin LaFond.)

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review? What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class? What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said “I do” to? What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization? What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard? What if Obama were a member of the “Keating 5”? What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

-- Kelvin LaFond, Forth Worth

Wedding

Here's a picture! One of my church members took it. Adam is still editing our official pictures -- I'll post some of those soon. I'm wearing my grandmother's wedding dress, and Adam and I are both wearing flip flops.

It was a great day. The wedding was at 10:30am, and I got to the church at about 7:45am, before anybody else. It was nice and quiet. My friend Kristin came to help me do make-up and put the dress on. Adam's aunt, Peg, came and did my hair in a glorious upsweep. Then we did posed pictures before the service, which got kind of chaotic, but it was all good.

We wanted the wedding to be as much like a worship service as possible -- so we marched in to a hymn ("For the Beauty of the Earth"), had readings, a sermon, and communion. Then we marched out on a hymn, too. My brother played his mandolin, my uncle played his guitar, an old seminary friend played piano, and my soon-to-be sister-in-law sang a solo of a hymn, bluegrass style! Both Adam and I felt like we got married, but also that the service was bigger -- about how God calls us all to love and to service.

We scurried out afterwards to take some more pictures on the lawn (see above), and then went down to the church basement to visit with all our guests. We fed each other a cupcake somewhere in there. It was easygoing and casual. Just nice to hang out with 200 (!) of our friends, family, and parishioners. The food was amazing -- pulled pork sandwiches, pasta primavera, spinach salad with cranberries, fruit salad, Texas caviar (a salsa), chips, eggplant parm for vegetarians, and four kinds of cupcake. And two kegs of beer that we didn't come close to finishing. We still have 10-20 lbs. of the frozen pulled pork in our freezer. (A gift from Adam's uncle Craig, a hoglot manager.) Then about a couple dozen close friends lingered and stayed late, and we could hang out with them and really talk.

It was perfect. We had friends and family helping left and right -- Adam's family cooked our wedding luncheon, my family worked on set-up and decorations, and everyone helped clean up. Adam and I barely lifted a finger, it seemed. We were surrounded by the love of so many people.

I am so grateful for the day. What a blessing. More pictures soon...